comments for essay
My topic is going to be how school is affected by amount of sleep. In high school we woke up at 6 am every day and didn't have enough sleep to function throughout the day. In college however, people are able to sleep longer making their moods lifted and their studies better. I want to see the difference in peoples moods and school work to see if sleep affects that. 1. Do you feel that your mood is affected by sleep? 2. Do you feel that when you sleep longer its better for your school work? I am going to research about high school students mainly because that's where this issue is a bigger problem but I also want to tie in college students because we are also affected and can be the main answer to this question since we are able to wake up later.
1) when going back to review your paper, look at the language you use. Try to be more straight forward, instead of being simple.
ReplyDelete2) look through your paper for where you can add commas. I add parts where I felt there should be commas. I try to read my paper out loud slowly, so I can find where commas are needed.
3) you are missing your appendix, so just add that.
4) also look at APA format because the Abstract should be on its own page, along with the references and appendix.
5) I think you have a very strong argument and you explained it well. just to add on, you can try to go into more detail about the effect it has on students. For example, try to find previous studies and add that.
6) your graphs are very strong and give a good representation of your findings.
I think you have a strong paper, good job!
1.) Overall, this essay had great flow from paragraph to paragraph. In addition, I would try to be a little more concise when it comes to word choice.
ReplyDelete2.) The language used is very professional and all of it is utilized well to interoperate the data. Also, all the pages follow APA format but the text is not times new roman.
3.) There are two problems with the layout. You just need to add the appendix and also have the abstract be on its own page.
4.) The research and data used in this essay was excellent. All the graphs were very well described and used in the essay.
Overall, Great essay and very interesting research.