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  1. UnknownSeptember 10, 2018 at 10:40 AM

    Jordyn,

    Overall, I liked where your mind was in terms of main ideas. However, there is always room for improvement! I think that the top three places you need improvement are in your APA formatting, analyzing, and contraction uses.

    The assignment was supposed to be strictly APA formatted. Your sources were perfectly quoted in terms of APA, however things such as your running head, your font, and size of font were not APA formatted. To fix these things, I suggest you go to "Files" under our course in ICON and look at the APA guidelines file. There, you will read about how to properly write the running head, how the font should be times new roman, and how the font size should always be twelve. Also, I noticed that your references were not double spaced, so you can take a look at that.

    Another thing that can be improved in your paper is the way you analyzed. It is one thing for you to tell me something that someone said. It is another thing to really show me with your words what you feel they are writing about. For example, when you cite a quote, instead of just telling me what they said, you should really break down the information and tell the reader what you feel about it. In this case, you should speak about why you think the certain writer wrote in a certain way, why he/she used certain language, etc.

    Finally, my last improvement I can suggest to your paper is with your contractions. Contractions are when you shorten a word from, for example, "can not" to "can't". It is unsophisticated when you use contractions. So, try to stay away from them and change the ones you have in your essay. It will sound more professional.

    Again, I liked your main ideas and your train of thought, so just try to adjust these things and your paper should be great.

    Gabe Trokel

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  2. UnknownSeptember 10, 2018 at 10:43 AM

    My first impression on your paper was very good, even though you need to improve on some little things. I thought your paper was very to the point and had a lot of recourses to support your claims. I noticed you really looked deep into the understanding of academic vs. non-academic papers then had your sub-sections explain the differences. Some of the things you might need to focus on are your structuring of the paper itself, and some grammatical errors

    The first idea I would like to capitalize on would be the whole structure of the paper. Your whole paper wasn't all in APA format, this included the running head, your headers, font, and your structuring of references. In the first title page you're supposed to have at the header "Running head: WRITING IN THE BUSINESS FIELD", but you have "Writing in the business field". So if you just were to make your headers into all caps, and to put the running head at the first title page only would be good. Also I noticed when you had your titles for the introductions of paragraphs you decided to put a different font size. What you should be doing is sticking to the Times New Roman 12pt. font and bolded. Also with your references you need to indent the second line to follow the APA guidelines. In your "References" you called it "Recourses", which isn't in the APA guidelines. It should be labeled "References" not bolded.

    In paper as well I did notice a few sentences were misleading, or just unwanted. What I mean by this is your paper was very good, but some of the sentences or word choice that you used was not necessary a lot of the time, or your sentences just went on. Also you had some small grammatical errors which you should probably just go over your paper a little more in depth to check it more thoroughly.

    otherwise than all the implications, I thought your paper was very good.

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